Fictional Foods We Wish Actually Existed

By Nuriyah Johar January 5, 2017
Who wants Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans? Image: Reference.com

There’s something remarkable about fiction and the way it makes us feel. Books, movies, even the cartoons we watched as children, make us feel very diverse emotions – happiness, sorrow, fear, inspiration if you caught Dangal, and even comfort.

Somewhere within that spectrum lies hunger, often underrated as a feeling when we discuss our Netflix habits. From long paragraphs describing the mouth-watering feasts at Hogwarts to the famous Krabby Patties from SpongeBob Squarepants, here’s our picks of fictional foods we wish were real enough to eat for lunch.

 

Ratatouille has lovely arrangement and nice colours. Image: fictionalfood.net

Ratatouille has lovely arrangement and nice colours. Image: fictionalfood.net

 

Ratatouille, Ratatouille (film, 2007)
Okay okay, before you get all technical, we’re aware that Ratatouille is a real dish. We’re also aware of the fact that most of you (fine, most of us) were clueless about its existence until we saw this wondrous movie. It introduced us to a variation of this classic French stewed vegetable dish, and made us fall in love with its vibrant colours, it’s nearly hypnotic symmetrical presentation and the nostalgic reaction it evoked from Ego (the big bad food critic).

It’s also safe to say that Remy’s version of ratatouille achieved the impossible – it made the prospect of a steamed vegetable dish seem completely desirable to children.

 

Scooby Snacks, proof that you'll eat anything when hungry. Image: comicbook.net

Scooby Snacks, proof that you’ll eat anything when hungry. Image: comicbook.net

 

Scooby Snacks, Scooby Doo, Where Are You! (animated series, 1969-70)
Yes, technically the bone shaped dog treats shouldn’t have appealed to us as much as they did back when we were children, and we can’t explain why they did. It never came as a surprise how the rest of the gang could so easily persuade (okay, manipulate) Scooby and Shaggy to do whatever they themselves didn’t want to using Scooby Snacks as a bribe. We get it, though. Hungry people always cave easily.

 

Frobscottle = absinthe for kids. Image: dfiles.me

Frobscottle = absinthe for kids. Image: dfiles.me

 

Frobscottle, The BFG (book, 1982)
Anyone who’s read Roald Dahl is aware of how wonderfully descriptive and inventive he can be when it comes to food and drink in his books. They’re described to be whimsical, fun, and too damn delectable. Frobscottle, from his novel The Big Friendly Giant, is proof of that pudding. Found in Giant Country, Frobscottle is a green-coloured fizzy drink which tastes of vanilla and cream, with a hint of raspberries.

Its defining factor is that unlike other fizzy drinks, its bubbles move downwards, resulting not in boring burps, but Whizzpoppers (Giant speak for farts) that make you fly a bit. The absolute feeling of jubilation that was felt by every person lucky enough to have had consumed this drink made us almost believe that living in a children-eating-Giant-infested land would be worth it. Plus, we’d avoid all this traffic.

 

Childhood seafood feels, y'all! Image: Spongebob,wikia.com

Childhood seafood feels, y’all! Image: Spongebob,wikia.com

 

Krabby Patty, SpongeBob Squarepants (animated series, 1999-present day)
You need not have lived in a pineapple under the sea to know what a Krabby Patty is. Everyone who watched SpongeBob Squarepants has spent roughly 30 percent of waking hours fantasizing about this Krusty Krab. This masterpiece of a burger made us imagine what it tastes like, question why SpongeBob is the only one who can prepare it, and wonder what the secret ingredient is (the SpongeBob Wikipedia page says it’s a pinch of King Neptune’s Poseidon Powder. We can finally die in peace).

Seemingly the glue that holds the fictitious town of Bikini Bottom together, we’ve never wanted the Krabby Patty more, since it seems to be the only thing left that could help achieve world peace. #PattyforPresident2020

 

We imagine Butterbeer to be perfect for day drinking. Image: Harrypotter.wikia.com

We imagine Butterbeer to be perfect for day drinking. Image: Harrypotter.wikia.com

 

Literally everything from Harry Potter (books and movies, 1997-2011)
The Harry Potter series proves that only good things happen from combining magic and food. With widely loved sweets from the Wizarding World like Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum, Chocolate Frogs, and Fizzing Whizzbees, and those not meant for the faint-hearted like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans and Cockroach Cluster, JK Rowling has created a fantasy within a fantasy, leaving us with only brief descriptions and our imaginations to conjure up their tastes.

Let’s not forget Butterbeer, which many sincere Potterheads have unsuccessfully tried to brew with the help of misleading recipes online. Pfft, Muggles.

 

With such bright Gobstoppers as food, who needs toys? Image: reference.com

With such bright Gobstoppers as food, who needs toys? Image: reference.com

 

Literally everything from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (book, 1964, film, 2005)
Whether we read the book or watched the film (a rare first time that Johnny Depp wasn’t the yummiest thing in a movie), this masterpiece by Dahl told us one thing- real world chocolate definitely hasn’t reached its full potential. In fact, Wonka’s chocolate is so unique that regular adjectives fail to describe them adequately.

Words have to be invented. Scrumdiddlyumptious for example, does the job with flair. Easy favourites from his wide array of sweets and chocolates include:

Everlasting Gobstoppers: You can suck and lick this funkily-named candy forevs, and it won’t ever reduce its sizeable size. Perfect for life after demonetization.

Wonka’s Magic Chewing Gum: Because any chewing gum that’s actually a 3-course meal > a chewing gum with a free (possibly toxic) sticker.

Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight: We may have picked this one just for its name. Go back and read it aloud thrice, this website is free and fun.

Tell us your favourite fictional foods, we’re waiting!